I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
