Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
