i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
