And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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