hotel room ftw
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
