I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
