fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
4 words: hood of his car
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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