I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
