Whod you bang
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
