I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
