we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
