he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
