you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
