he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
