Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
