jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
vagina is talking i cant
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
