life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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