you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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