He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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