i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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