What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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