She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
