I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
