No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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