My liver just broke up with me...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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