im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
