Yo dont text me then not text me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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