I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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