is your mom at the bar?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
