Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
