Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
