Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
