eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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