dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
