you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
