census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
