how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
