hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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