Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
