Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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