i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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