somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
