My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
