i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
