as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
