hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
