He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
