I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
