I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
