so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
