Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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