I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
