I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
