Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
