I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
