i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
