he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
